Journal entry for October 16

This Journal Entry can also be found in my Homepage but I thought I would post it here as this place gets hellofa lot more traffic than my homepage thats practically abandoned.


You know I just don't get it. What have I done so wrong in my life to get ignored by everyone who I thought meant something special to me and I to them.
You know all my "old buds" from HighSchool I rarely talk too. In all actuallity, I'm talking to people from HighSchool I would never imagined myself talking too. People I thought hated me or thought I was a freak of some sort in school. Actually Talks To me! WOW!
Nothing more just chatting and emailing but still. It feels kinda weird.
There is soo many things I want to achieve and acomplish in my life and yet it seems so very difficult and unlikely and the more I think about it the more unlikely my dreams will become. You see I'm a poet. and I've been told a very good damn poet. Then Why can't i get published or win some money with the contests i enter? No, I guess I'm not that good afterall.
And where is Mr. Right? You know 3 1/2 years ago, I thought I had My Mr. Right. I was almost certain. I felt so in love like never before. I felt like I knew the man my whole entire life but in actuallity i didn't meet him until i was 18.
We got married when I was 20. Got pregnant almost immedietly and life seemed so good, so almost perfect! Until I got pregnant with our twins and something changed. Was it him? Was it me? I dunno but I started thinking about all the things I disliked about our relationship and how much I wanted to change him but realized I couldn't. Why didn't I see this before I got pregnant with twins!! how come if the love wasn't true that it took so long for me to realize i made a terrible mistake? But Then again, who says what I did was actually a mistake.
Maybe me and Jon was ment to be. not permanetly but for that time frame.
I still deep down love him to death and I know that may scare some guys away from me but He is the father o fmy children even though sometimes i wonder if he even wants to be a father to my children.

Speaking of Children it seems like all they want to do is destory the damn house so i better end this and clean up there mess! GRR. Anyone want two 2 year olds for about a year or so and then you can hand them back to me. first potty train them as well!!!*LOL* J/k